Friday, 8 July 2011

I am Just trying to make everyone happy !

 I had a serious word of advice from someone close to me -  I was told to reconsider  priorites when pleasing others.

So first of all what people should know is that I hate to feel regret or guilt - Never felt any thing so horrible than  regret. So in most my actions  to people - I try so hard to do things  which would not make me regret. But Don't get me wrong, this is not coz i have to - but because I want to.  This generally treating people with kindness and compassion!  But then this is where  It goes wrong and  in fact  I hurt and mistreat people. My heart and My brain works differently - Never together. I base  an situation with logical  and emotional but I don't base my descisions on them both. Confused ? okay - So here is an common scenerio which I have  in various of occassion. I am seeing  an  fellow Male  classmate   that i recognise , we are the only ones waiting for the class to start - we are early and no one is here.  In my head  ( logical side ) says  " Okay this is awkward - just greet him but don't get too  friendly coz in the end of the day -  you know co-mixes not allowed so don't be very informal . Then my heart says (emotion ) : " But thats Rude and  you don't want him to have a bad representation of you .. your not like that ..."

There is a like  about 4 mins discussion of in my head . Then I give up and take the emotional side and start chatting  to the dude  for a bit - on the basis of being friendly.

I go home and rethink what I done - I totally feel regret -  Lol the same feeling I was trying to avoid comes to me. Why the regret ?  Because - I compromised apart of what I believe to make  what i assume someone happy.  On the same night, I promise myself such thing won't happen coz I will use my Logical  side this time and  be formal and less overfriendly .

Next Day, I see the same guy heading towards me and sits next to me in the lecture. What do I respond with - A Cold shoulder .  I can see an Confused face from the guy  and  then he questions me why i am not talking to him as much as yesterday.  My heart drops  ! - Same regret feeling - the Feeling that i was trying to get rid  came again !

This reality comes to me  from day to day life.   I  want to  be the all rounded like person but I compromise something in  the end -  if its not a friendship  then something i believe in- my faith !

 I do  get the odd " ermm... why am I not on your friend list anymore ... do u not like me  ... i mean you spoke to me yesterday"  - kills me each time - not coz of the question because I really don't no   what I stand for and be assertive. In reality , the risk of trying please everyone else - is that I won't please anyone !

I think I have to remember that people respect  others when they  are no what they stand for !  Trying to make everyone Happy is an job not even the World leaders can't even do !

- Note to self : " Some people will like  you and some won't - Move on  But people will guarantee to hate you if  you make false promises .  In the end   of the day  -  Only Try pleasing  whats important to you- in my case - Allah !

Thought I needed  get that out of my System!

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