My mind: Am I supposed to say hello to him and his girlfriend and leave..... can't do that - hes waiting for me to respond ... oh crap they are actually stopped walking . .... what to say.... what to say ? ... okay I am going to make this quick and fast.
Me : "I am glad you passed ".
My mind : " WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ? oh crap his girlfriend is screw facing me ... um haha it made it like he can't pass. oh great - I made it awkward now .
Him : "erm ... yeah thanks ..see ya later bye " !
So there you have it - thats how graduation was summed up for me ! - ALOT of awkward goodbyes !
Anyways after graduation I am literaly like looking for jobs now and its kind of killing me! - its long and depressing !
Well today I noticed something , I have been neglecting something within my life - someone very close to me. That someone is ME ! I feel that I have been wronging myself - in terms of my imaan!
I have been preoccupied by this life and I expect everything to go smoothly. I mean - where did this notion come from. It seems somewhat arrogant to think that everything is going to be okay - even though my track record for obeying my lord has gone from bad to worse. Allah control everything and to think I can do this without his help is unthinkable.
At first, I didn't think of it in that light - I just assumed i was doing everything that i need to - but then i noticed certain actions such as prayer, dua and quran recitation was deteriorating. I was not concentrating My heart was not focused on it. I begin to not care so much. When I heard quran .. my heart never used to termble like before. No longer felt anything. I just become ... NUMB to anything. When you are in a situation like this - you continue to fall deeper and deeper till what seemed bad is not so bad . Subhanallah. Nothing was working out for me , I was getting more angry at people and just felt fustrated at myself .
So I just had like a big question mark at where my life was going . I was clueless
Allahumduilah I stumbled across this video while browsing facebook - It blew me away. It was a video about a man from Saudi Arabia - calling to the youth to listen to the call of Allah. Then He mentioned something that broke me down into tears. He recites a ayat of the quran which quotes.
" And Allah would turn to you in mercy; but those who follow vain desires would have you go tremendously astray. (27) Allah would make the burden light for you, for man was created weak. (28)" surat nisa - ayat 27-28
Allahumduilah - Such words lead me to realise what is needed right now in my life. Not a JOB, MONEY but just my faith back - My imaan.
Because how you can expect to succeed in this life and forget about your lord whom controls your destiny.
Ya Allah makes us those whom remember you always and allows us suceed in this life and the next.
*Here is the video !