Long Long time

Hey people, I guess some of you have forgotten me  as i have not done a post for like aaaaaaages !  Sorri about that - lool i guess i am lazy and all this blogging is too high mantanice for me ! anyways don't worri its not like something major happened to me ! I had a lovely ramadan ... it went by so quickly -so i felt i didn't  make the most of it.  But allahumduilah - my graduation came - lool - that was fun and awkward at the same time. If you know me personally - then you would know that i have a gift at making any situation awkward I would like say something really odd and end  the convo with a awkward silence !  Don't get me wrong - I don't do this   by purpose - nope its just   when i get nervous - I say the first thing that comes to my head.  laaaaaame  XD ! so my graduation was filled with akward goodbyes ! - There was one scenerio where i met some dude in my class and he  said hello to me - I notice that his girlfriend is next to him   and my family is next to me. Then it turns AWKWARD ! i am like this  in my head.





My mind:   Am I supposed to say hello to him and his girlfriend and leave.....  can't do that - hes waiting for me to respond ...  oh crap they are actually stopped walking . .... what to say.... what to say ? ... okay  I am going to make this quick and fast.



Me :  "I am glad you passed ".


My mind :  " WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ? oh crap his girlfriend is screw facing me ... um  haha it made it like he can't pass. oh great -  I made it awkward now .




 Him :  "erm ... yeah thanks ..see ya later  bye " !



 So there you have it -  thats how graduation was summed up for me !  - ALOT of  awkward goodbyes !

lool

Anyways after graduation  I am literaly like looking for jobs now  and  its kind of killing me! - its long and depressing !


Well today I noticed something ,  I have been neglecting something within my  life - someone very close to me. That someone is  ME !  I  feel that  I have been wronging myself - in terms of my imaan! 


 I have been preoccupied by this life and   I expect everything to go smoothly. I mean - where did this notion come from. It seems somewhat arrogant to think that everything  is going to be okay - even though my track record for obeying my lord has gone from bad to worse.   Allah control everything and to think I can do this without his help is unthinkable.

 At first, I didn't think of it in that light -  I just assumed  i was doing everything  that i need to  - but  then i noticed  certain actions such as prayer, dua  and quran recitation  was deteriorating.  I was not concentrating My heart was not focused on it. I begin to not care so much.  When I heard quran .. my heart never used to termble like before. No longer felt anything. I just become ... NUMB  to anything.  When you are  in a situation like this - you continue to fall deeper and deeper till what seemed bad is not so bad . Subhanallah. Nothing was working  out for me  , I was getting more angry at people and just felt fustrated at myself .

 So I just had like a  big  question mark at where my life was going .   I was clueless


 Allahumduilah I stumbled across this   video while browsing facebook - It blew me away. It was a video about a man from Saudi Arabia - calling to the youth to listen  to the call of Allah.   Then He mentioned something that broke me down into tears. He recites a ayat of the quran which quotes.

" And Allah would turn to you in mercy; but those who follow vain desires would have you go tremendously astray. (27) Allah would make the burden light for you, for man was created weak. (28)"  surat  nisa - ayat 27-28 

Allahumduilah - Such words lead me to realise what is needed right now in my life. Not a JOB, MONEY but just my faith back - My imaan.


Because how you can expect to succeed in this life and forget about your lord  whom controls  your destiny. 


 Ya Allah makes us those whom remember you always and allows us suceed   in this life and the next. 

Ameen ! 

*Here is the video !

OOOh pretty

Isn't this lovely - Saw  it when randomly browsing the net ! - I love anime but seeing an  anime style muslimahs - coooool !  : )   - Loving all  Muslim sisters for the sake of allah  !

 I will post something very soon but for now I will just be lazy and post this lovely picture LOOL !

RAMADAN MUBARAK !

 Hello Peeps !

I am really happy at the moment because ...... ITS RAMADAN OF COURSE !

I really love Ramadan - Its like getting that one great  present that you waited for  months for !

Its truly the best present one can ask for ! - the month of mercy.

For some reason even when  I was young and  didn't know much the of  Deen - I still loved the feeling of Ramadan !

I think now why , because of the atmosphere.

When Ramadan hits home - everything reminds of Dhikr (remembrance of Allah)

Everyone is more happier - calmer  but the main aspect of why I love Ramadan so much is the Community.

The Muslim Community grows stronger - No   segregation  coz of culture and etc. Everyone is connected even the youth.  It  really makes me swell with pride when I see the bus overflow with  brothers and sisters heading to the masjid.   It makes me sometimes so proud - when I see non  Muslims in awe when they see a  road full of Muslims heading  to the masjid !    Nothing move my heart so much !


Then when I praying in the masjid side by side with the old, young  and disabled  from all cultures - crying  during the salah ;in regards that Allah is judging our souls - asking for mercy and blessing - What a beautiful scene ! - Greeting sisters with smiles and leaving the  mosque - Loving the growing Ummah !


Oh Ramadan  I love you so much - I wish  it every day ! Allahumduilah ! - Ya rabb ! Allahumduilah !


Its makes me sleep with no regrets but anticipation for the next day !

What about you? what excites you about Ramadan ?

OFFICIALLY BORED !!!!!!!!

There is nothing more worse than being jobless  graduate -  I have nothing to do  and am sooooooooooooooo bored !  I need a hobby - any help ?   anything - knitting , drawing - things that don't require me to pay lool !


BORED zzzzzz ! 







On a happier note - Its ramadan next week - So happy days !

Blossom !

Helloooooo people of the earth ! - well  I firstly  will apologies to those whom was anticipating  a post since my last one !  I am just not been  doing much - so i didn't have much to talk about ! - LOL yes   I  am that dull !    Anyways I was recently doing a spring clean  to my room  - I happened to be all sentimental and look at  all my old belongings  - and remembering loool !   Then    within all that dust- I come across  My good old diary -  the diary that kept all the account  of my teenage years from the beginning to the end.





Well , the first  few years of my teenage years didn't sound great but that  is pretty much like most teenagers in this day and age.  The issue with not accepting  yourself and having to go through the harsh and awkward transition of growing up ! - Not  a nice experience !   Very much  sounded like an angry and confused child  if i was to sum it up .   Booy  once i am reading each  account - I was thinking what stop me from subsiding to destruction . Then I remembered that during these period of times- i was learning to properly practice my deen!

Each day become better and I knew that despite all those problems that I had - Allah was always there for me !  ^_^ !

As the years gone bye - I realised that  some problems are just too petty to worry about ! - with  that sense of mind - I guess I blossom to what I am today- An Happy, independent and Grateful person !

You are officially my bodyguard looool

LOL  This panda is  A Gangstaaa !

I guess i would react the same if no one  gave me  my daily dose of sweets LOOOL


Best advert everrrrrrrr!  HAHAHAH

A Better Life !

 I seen alot  times  that when people want a better life -   things that are important in  life are compromised !

 I mean I don't want to use this post - to preach to people  how improve their lives -  I simply just want to highlight  a major problem in this day and age.

 In the world of politics, - we see loads of politican saying again and again - " this is for the good of the people " or  " The people 's  best  interest is at heart"  -  when trying to monopolize on anything


 I guess at first - the motivation  of wanting a better life is guenine  but then its seems to always change to status.

Better life  seems to change to   -   better than everyone else.

Maybe its coz as human its within us to expect more and more.

LOL I bet   yor thinking - where did this all come from ? Well it was because  I was just  watching   alot of documentaries about people with mental illiness and how they neglected from society and goverments.

I mean  - the countries  that these poor souls are in - are not even  deprived but actually one of those very much developed countries.  So the basic treatments or health care  for these indivduals should be available - . Then  why are  such people not given this right -  I think its because -    the goverment  thinks such people are not the priority  and continues to ignore their plight all in the name of a " Better life " for the rest of the society.

Anyways - thats my lil rant or view -  would like your views on what it means to get a better life and is it worth compromising things for it ?


Also a sad day for me  today - Just found out that South and North sudan are offically  separated - sad sad day !

I am Just trying to make everyone happy !

 I had a serious word of advice from someone close to me -  I was told to reconsider  priorites when pleasing others.

So first of all what people should know is that I hate to feel regret or guilt - Never felt any thing so horrible than  regret. So in most my actions  to people - I try so hard to do things  which would not make me regret. But Don't get me wrong, this is not coz i have to - but because I want to.  This generally treating people with kindness and compassion!  But then this is where  It goes wrong and  in fact  I hurt and mistreat people. My heart and My brain works differently - Never together. I base  an situation with logical  and emotional but I don't base my descisions on them both. Confused ? okay - So here is an common scenerio which I have  in various of occassion. I am seeing  an  fellow Male  classmate   that i recognise , we are the only ones waiting for the class to start - we are early and no one is here.  In my head  ( logical side ) says  " Okay this is awkward - just greet him but don't get too  friendly coz in the end of the day -  you know co-mixes not allowed so don't be very informal . Then my heart says (emotion ) : " But thats Rude and  you don't want him to have a bad representation of you .. your not like that ..."

 
There is a like  about 4 mins discussion of in my head . Then I give up and take the emotional side and start chatting  to the dude  for a bit - on the basis of being friendly.

I go home and rethink what I done - I totally feel regret -  Lol the same feeling I was trying to avoid comes to me. Why the regret ?  Because - I compromised apart of what I believe to make  what i assume someone happy.  On the same night, I promise myself such thing won't happen coz I will use my Logical  side this time and  be formal and less overfriendly .

Next Day, I see the same guy heading towards me and sits next to me in the lecture. What do I respond with - A Cold shoulder .  I can see an Confused face from the guy  and  then he questions me why i am not talking to him as much as yesterday.  My heart drops  ! - Same regret feeling - the Feeling that i was trying to get rid  came again !


This reality comes to me  from day to day life.   I  want to  be the all rounded like person but I compromise something in  the end -  if its not a friendship  then something i believe in- my faith !


 I do  get the odd " ermm... why am I not on your friend list anymore ... do u not like me  ... i mean you spoke to me yesterday"  - kills me each time - not coz of the question because I really don't no   what I stand for and be assertive. In reality , the risk of trying please everyone else - is that I won't please anyone !


I think I have to remember that people respect  others when they  are no what they stand for !  Trying to make everyone Happy is an job not even the World leaders can't even do !

- Note to self : " Some people will like  you and some won't - Move on  But people will guarantee to hate you if  you make false promises .  In the end   of the day  -  Only Try pleasing  whats important to you- in my case - Allah !

Thought I needed  get that out of my System!

THE GHOST !!

GHOST  is pretty much going to explain my disapperance  from this blog -  people, people don't worry- nothing bad happened to me. It was just  Uni life that taking over my life, so I seemed to have let this  blog  go on the shelf for a bit.  But GREAT NEWS PEOPLE ! - I myself am a graduate ! ALLAHUMDUILAH ! Believe me when I say- this was all  the doing of  God - GOD All Mighty  - always been there for me when I felt i was going give up. Ya rabb !   As the world of  education is finished - hopefully - Now its to find the path in this world - Dunya ! But why be afraid if Allah is by my side ! Happy and contempt - What more to ask for  ?  : )!

Now What  I am to do  ? Be FireFighter , Superhero  loool - See the world !  Nothing is impossible unless Allah wills it  !

University has been a Journey but one that  I will forever cherish ! I met amazing People, All unique in their own way !   I am grateful for those who opened up to me and Let me in their life, those understanding and patient -  Accepting me for being me ! - Never let those bad things stop me from loving and living life ! Allahumduilah !


I want to end this Post by mentioning All  the good hearted people whom helped me throughout my Life

Uni  Peeps - Love you for the Openness and Friendliness !

Computing girls - Love you girls for being  so Understanding and patient of my  commitments and problems . - enduring every bit when I had  my "Me" moments - Never forget you guys !


Goldie Isoc -  May Allah bless your  Soul  for all the things you did for me - Even if its little - Its enough to support me ! - You are all some funny sisters - I love you for the Sake of Allah -  Hope Inshallah You succeed in this life and the next. Ameen !

High School Friends - All the times on which  you Helped me - All the  random situations that  I got up to when Growing up - and helping me and Loving me for Whom  I am ! Love  you guys


 Family -  My Number  1  support -  Looking out for me and  always putting some sense onto me !

Parents - Your are the strongest people  I ever met - No words can describe my Love for  You - May Allah put you in the Highest jannah -   Ya Allah Forgive me for all the bad things I did to them - and  may your mercy and blessing be on them ! Ameen !

Ayeyo ( Grandma)-   I love  you so Much - Ya rabb - Forgive her  for her sins - Love  your Kind eyes and  Funny Jokes !  May Allah bless your Soul in this life and the next ! Ameen ! 

And All  the rest of the  Important People  I have met in My life - Love  you All !

Finally Allah -  The Most High, The Most  merciful and Most beneficial ! -  Ya RABB - My life support - May I die in  Sirat al-Mustaqim !

Ya Allah - May the next Years be full of Happiness and No regret ! - Being ones that benefit this Life and the Next !