Friday, 4 November 2011

Long Long time

Hey people, I guess some of you have forgotten me  as i have not done a post for like aaaaaaages !  Sorri about that - lool i guess i am lazy and all this blogging is too high mantanice for me ! anyways don't worri its not like something major happened to me ! I had a lovely ramadan ... it went by so quickly -so i felt i didn't  make the most of it.  But allahumduilah - my graduation came - lool - that was fun and awkward at the same time. If you know me personally - then you would know that i have a gift at making any situation awkward I would like say something really odd and end  the convo with a awkward silence !  Don't get me wrong - I don't do this   by purpose - nope its just   when i get nervous - I say the first thing that comes to my head.  laaaaaame  XD ! so my graduation was filled with akward goodbyes ! - There was one scenerio where i met some dude in my class and he  said hello to me - I notice that his girlfriend is next to him   and my family is next to me. Then it turns AWKWARD ! i am like this  in my head.

My mind:   Am I supposed to say hello to him and his girlfriend and leave.....  can't do that - hes waiting for me to respond ...  oh crap they are actually stopped walking . .... what to say.... what to say ? ... okay  I am going to make this quick and fast.

Me :  "I am glad you passed ".

My mind :  " WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ? oh crap his girlfriend is screw facing me ... um  haha it made it like he can't pass. oh great -  I made it awkward now .

 Him :  "erm ... yeah thanks ..see ya later  bye " !

 So there you have it -  thats how graduation was summed up for me !  - ALOT of  awkward goodbyes !


Anyways after graduation  I am literaly like looking for jobs now  and  its kind of killing me! - its long and depressing !

Well today I noticed something ,  I have been neglecting something within my  life - someone very close to me. That someone is  ME !  I  feel that  I have been wronging myself - in terms of my imaan! 

 I have been preoccupied by this life and   I expect everything to go smoothly. I mean - where did this notion come from. It seems somewhat arrogant to think that everything  is going to be okay - even though my track record for obeying my lord has gone from bad to worse.   Allah control everything and to think I can do this without his help is unthinkable.

 At first, I didn't think of it in that light -  I just assumed  i was doing everything  that i need to  - but  then i noticed  certain actions such as prayer, dua  and quran recitation  was deteriorating.  I was not concentrating My heart was not focused on it. I begin to not care so much.  When I heard quran .. my heart never used to termble like before. No longer felt anything. I just become ... NUMB  to anything.  When you are  in a situation like this - you continue to fall deeper and deeper till what seemed bad is not so bad . Subhanallah. Nothing was working  out for me  , I was getting more angry at people and just felt fustrated at myself .

 So I just had like a  big  question mark at where my life was going .   I was clueless

 Allahumduilah I stumbled across this   video while browsing facebook - It blew me away. It was a video about a man from Saudi Arabia - calling to the youth to listen  to the call of Allah.   Then He mentioned something that broke me down into tears. He recites a ayat of the quran which quotes.

" And Allah would turn to you in mercy; but those who follow vain desires would have you go tremendously astray. (27) Allah would make the burden light for you, for man was created weak. (28)"  surat  nisa - ayat 27-28 

Allahumduilah - Such words lead me to realise what is needed right now in my life. Not a JOB, MONEY but just my faith back - My imaan.

Because how you can expect to succeed in this life and forget about your lord  whom controls  your destiny. 

 Ya Allah makes us those whom remember you always and allows us suceed   in this life and the next. 

Ameen ! 

*Here is the video !